So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
