we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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