false alarm. still invincible.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize