I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize