I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
