no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
