He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
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She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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