i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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