i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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