My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're a waste of cheezeits
My penis needs a shock collar
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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