i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
