In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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