I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
