You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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