You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
