Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I cut my penus on the lid.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
