Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
