Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
