Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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