Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
