Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
