I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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