i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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