it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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