I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
