OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
