i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
