I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
