I wannas sexs uuuuu
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
