I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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