so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
