The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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