Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
