i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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