I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
