Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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