I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
