just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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