All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
