I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
