Swine flu. Run for my life!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
