That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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