She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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