So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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