He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
