I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
