I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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