Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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