I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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