i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
