We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
