Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize