The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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