Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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