You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
