Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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