I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
