Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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