So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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