All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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