You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize