I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
