and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
