We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
