Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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