I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
